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In This Issue |
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Hey, Angel…
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Students
test pick-up lines on unsuspecting prey
Jimmy Pipino stood outside the cafeteria baffled as Kelly Grove gave him a negative response. Aaron Joseph sat at a table as a shy girl told him ‘‘no.’’ I stood in a crowd of people as Nick Antonucci told me he did not like pirates. Page One recently conducted a couple experiments to see if cheesy pick-up lines really work, whether they be on girls or guys, and who is most responsive to the lines. Our first experiment was done at Liberty High School during a speech meet, where my assistant Jimmy Pipino, a senior at John F. Kennedy High School, waited to hit on girls. The first girl Pipino went after was Poland High School junior Kelly Grove, 16. Pipino smoothly approached her and casually asked, ‘‘You think I am good-looking don’t you?’’ Then there was an awkward silence. He added, ‘‘If I was coffee, you’d probably want to grind me wouldn’t you?’’ Grove just looked at him like he was crazy then said, "Get away from me," and walked away. Later, she said that during the Pipino attack she was thinking that he was creepy. Without his ego or self-esteem being crushed, Pipino went to Kate Johnson, 16, a Canfield High School junior. ‘‘If I was coffee you probably would grind me wouldn’t you?’’ Pipino asked. Johnson laughed and said, ‘‘You caught me, I would.’’ Johnson later said that she thought Pipino was really funny, and during the time Pipino hit on her she thought ‘‘Oh boy!’’ Now it was my turn, so I walked up to Niles McKinley High School senior Ryan Swift and said, ‘‘I have a problem. You see, I am in Algebra 2, and I wondered if you could help me by answering this question?’’ Swift reluctantly said ‘‘yes,’’ and then I asked him, ‘‘Did you know that the difference from here to here is the same distance from here to here.’’ While I said that I pointed from one shoulder to the other which eventually put my arm around him. It was funny because he was so much taller than me which made it harder to put my arm around him. Swift said later that it was really random but funny. The next part of the experiment took place at Kent State University’s annual scholastic Press Day. I had my new assistant, Western Reserve High School junior Aaron Joseph, hit on Kent freshman Ghomathy Sivaram, 19, who was studying biology at a table by herself. Joseph went to the table, sat down and asked, ‘‘Did it hurt?’’ Sivaram was stunned and did not know what to say. So Joseph persisted and said, ‘‘When you fell from heaven.’’ Sivaram laughed and asked if he was joking. Sivaram thought this is an interesting experiment, and when asked about her time with Joseph she said, ‘‘When he said that line I didn’t know what to say.’’ Now it was my turn. I spotted this guy by himself by a wall and decided he was my next victim. I walked over to Nate Evans, 15, a freshman at Waterloo High School and started talking to him about the press day and about his high school. Then I asked him in the sweetest way, ‘‘Is your dad a hunter?’’ Evans looked at me strangely and answered, ‘‘No, why?’’ ‘‘Because you’re a fox,’’ I said. Then he laughed nervously and asked why I said that. After my smooth talking, Evans later said that he thought I was just a student who was involved in a newspaper and was interested in talking to him. Evans said, ‘‘The pick-up line was not very original.’’ The score is now Ashley 0 Pipino 1 and Joseph 0. I saw this guy by himself and went to sit down next to him. He didn’t move so I figured that was a good sign. I then introduced myself and started talking to him about Kent State and his major. His name is Brian Jones, 19, and he is studying to become an athletic trainer. While I was talking to him I asked him, ‘‘If I was coffee you probably would want to grind me wouldn’t you?’’ Jones just smiled. Later Jones said, ‘‘I thought it was terrible but it was funny,’’ and added that before I said the line he thought I was just someone visiting the college. After that my Page One assistants Laura Downing, who helped record things while I hit on guys, Aaron Joseph, who hit on girls, and Jonna Clouser, who was just there to make fun of Joseph and me while we hit on people, headed to the main room where all of the other students were from other high school newspapers. While we were there Laura spotted a guy and told me to hit on him, so I walked over to him and asked if I could talk to him for a second. Boardman High School senior Nick Antonucci, 17, said I could talk to him, so we sat down and I just began talking to him about press day and then asked him, ‘‘Do you like pirates?’’ Antonucci just sat quiet for a second then said ‘‘yes.’’ Then I asked, ‘‘If you were a pirate would you want your parrot here or here.’’ I said that line as I tapped his shoulders eventually putting my arm around him. Antonucci then pulled away and said he didn’t like pirates anymore. Later, Antonucci said it was funny and random but he was not interested in me. The score now stands Ashley 0, Joseph 0, and Pipino 1. I also had run out of pick-up lines to say. So I just sat down next to this guy and asked him if he knew any good pick-up lines and all of a sudden he stood on his chair and started yelling across the room to his friend to come here. Apparently, senior Sam Chapman and junior Jake Juliano had been hitting on girls all day with cheesy pick-up lines and were eager to help. Juliano suggested that we get a sugar packet and say, ‘‘You dropped your name tag.’’ Juliano said, ‘‘It works, that is how I got my girlfriend, they think it is cute.’’ Chapman suggested the line, ‘‘Are you an uptown girl looking for a backstreet boy.’’ Earlier in the day, Juliano passed a note to a girl during one of his classes and tried hitting on her with a pick-up line and it worked, only he never ended up seeing her again. Chapman didn’t have much luck when he hit on girls, they all turned him down.
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Gym class is a waste of time and effort My mother always told me that I was going to school to learn for my future. My teachers always told me that I was in their class to get ready for college. My gym teacher told me that I needed to get my energy levels up, followed by him telling me to run eight laps. My question is: What is the purpose of gym class? Gym, which is also called physical education, never really seemed like an educational experience to me. When I was in high school, we took tests in gym and we also had a final exam. Our final exam was based on volleyball, basketball, shuffleboard, kickball, and soccer. I will never understand why I was forced to learn about sports that I would never play professionally. I will never understand why anyone would believe that gym class has any type of educational value. What are the students truly learning when they go to gym class? They are learning how to work up a sweat while running around in a circle. All I learned from that was that my side would begin to hurt after the first 15 minutes. I have never been on my way to gym class believing that I was going to learn anything that would help my future. Most of the students in my gym classes were very rebellious toward the teachers. They never wanted to run the track or do anything strenuous. They didn’t see the point, and neither do I. ‘‘Two credits of gym show nothing about how hard the student works in the classroom. If anything, gym should be offered as an elective so that the students who do want to engage in physical activity can, and others who would rather take something else can choose to do so,’’ said Thomas Mason, a recent Warren G. Harding High School graduate. The real issue is that gym is a requirement to graduate. A requirement that costs $30 in fees. I paid $30 to run in a circle and play recreational sports. Couldn’t I have done that on my own time -- for free? Gym class wears me out. When I go to my next class, I complain about being sticky with sweat and I am usually too tired and/or weak to participate. Some students perform worse after a gym class then before. If administrators want to call gym physical education, or PE, then they should find a way to make the physical lessons educational. Health class, which also is a requirement, is educational and it teaches us about physical education. Why do both courses have to be required? I’m guessing that we students will never know exactly why we must take gym. But, after the strenuous work of running around that track, the only thing we are thinking about is how tired we are.
E-mail Hampton at pageone@tribune-chronicle.com
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